Bittersweet

I can't believe nothing or anyone that I can't see, its better than its ever been and that's good enough for me
Its bittersweet, bittersweet
Its killing me, killing me

These words for Sick of Sarah are excatly what I'm feeling right now. I can't say that I'm not upset, but I don't have the energy to feel anything right now. I just have feelings for you, but the friend zone is where I'll stay. Why should I keep trying to make something outta nothing. I can't make you have feelings for me. I'm not going to put myself up to get hurt anymore. Its great where we are right now. I feel happy that our friendship is growing ,but there is always going to be feelings in my heart for you. If you have feelings for one of my best friends, then I don't have a say in anything. I'm not going to be a person that tells someone NOT to do something that has nothing to do with me. It hurts me inside to know that you can't talk to me about things. I never want to hurt you. I never wanna see you cry. I never want you to be unhappy. I want to see the best for you. You never explained to me what was going on. You were different from others that I had feelings for. When I look into your eyes, I see nothing. I can't figure out what you are thinking. I've never had that happen to me before. I can read people like a book just by looking into their eyes, but with you...zero. I can't see that future, but we will have to work on things. I'm going to be up front about things.

Where I stood...

There is a song that I can't get out of my head right now, Missy Higgins. This song is just so powerful in the lyrics. I haven't figured out if this song relates to my personal life, but I'm just confused. So I don't know if something I did was such a great idea.

You hurt me and you don't even realize the pain in my heart. I should just let you go, but something in my heart doesn't want to anymore. I don't know who I am without you, all i know is that I should. And I don't think I could stand another hand upon you, all I know is that I should. I thought love was black and white. These words just keep replaying in my mind. This words are excatly in what I'm feeling. The question is towards who? Being single is fun, exciting, and simple. In the same sense, being single isn't fun. I want to be with someone! I want to be with someone that thinks about me at least once a day or texts me. Telling me that they are thinking about what i'm doing that day. We don't have to have the same things common. I want someone that will teach me things I don't understand. I'll return the favor. Learing new things from each other would never get old.

I just hope that everthing in life is going good for you. If you don't need me then I can't do anything about it. Knowing that its going to make you happy. I've learned to forget and block out every memory that I have of you. I don't want to, but thats what it have come down too.

I can't believe that it has taken me this long to be able to talk about what happened. I've never been so hurt in my life. What I was told that happen that night was unreal. Just something that I saw on The Hills or The OC, thinking that nothing like that would ever happen to me. Now I see that those girls didn't overreact in that situlation.

Pickel in the middle

I guess blogging for me is a release from life. I think sometimes I don't really put EVERYTHING down in fear of people reading my blogs. Now, I don't give a fuck anymore.
I've tried really hard to be the best person in life. I guess I need to work on things. I need to work out my sense of trying to help people. I shouldn't put my heart on my sleeve. I'm not going to help people anymore. I'm just going to keep my month shut at all times. Also, I shouldn't tell people how I feel about them. I'm just going to let people come to me about their feeling about me. I think that if someone likes me enough then they will come to me.
Now, I'm faced with a problem that I never thought I would been in. People coming back into my life is never a good thing. I always seem to hurt someone. My tensions are good, but someone seems to get hurt. I feel in my heart I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not a bad person. I don't NEED anyone in my life that thinking I'm looking for attention.
I'm going to be the better person now. I'm more mature about situations that causes drama. The old me is died and gone! I needed change and thats what I did. People that pull me down isn't needed in my life.
There was in point in this mouth that I was the happiest I've ever been in two years. I thought she changed during that time. Now, I realized that people don't change in reality. They will never be different until they want to change. I didn't do anything wrong. I have no regrets at this point. I won't say that shouln't have called back. I've been traveling this road too long. I've found a new way home.